what i want to discuss on my blog today, is about what the movie 50 First Dates trying to say. At least about how the film itself spoke to me..

how can there be a man out there who is willing to dedicate his whole life only to fall in love with the same person everyday. i know some might think it is possible, considering in marriage you should have that kind of mind set, but ... this guy [adam sandler] is actually trying everyday to convince a woman that she's the one, that he love her so much that he's willing to do the same thing over and over again, he's willing to let his heart hurt everytime the day turns into night ... knowing that tomorrow she will never remember what's going on the other day. is there a man out there, who's that strong, and sweet, loyal, and humble ... noble and dedicated, honest and faithful every single day .. might even grows deeper each day. will i ever find one like that?

so the fairy tale in every single girl in this world is true .. a girl will always wait for his prince to rescue her. i guess in some way, it's the way God created us girls. you know what!!! suddenly ... i feel blessed that i'm born as a girl! :D it's a priviledge to be loved, it's a priviledge to be rescued, it's a priviledge to know that someone out there care enough for you that he will do anything to have you. i dont wanna be a pessimistic person anymore, at least not at this moment. right now.. i feel blessed ... overwhelmingly blessed by what so called love :)

uhuhuhuhu ... jadi kangen sama little birdie!!

hmm tiba2 pengen semacam ganti warna dikit, mumpung lagi di prodak and the comp's monitor is still in its prime condition ehehehe. btw i wonder if i ever mention about someone who read my blog, and then he/she leaves a message for me. he/she said that ... hm apa yah, pokoknya buat dia blog gw enak dibaca... well thanks a lot! didn't know that my scrambled thoughts dan gaya menulis gw yang koboi [main loncat sini sana] can really be an enjoyment for others. beneran deh ... maaci yah!!! eheehehe senang deh!! :D

lagu2 di aksara lagi enak [akhirnya gw gak complain lagi!!], tapi sayang yang masang di belakang kurang gedein volume-nya jadinya gak kedengeran deh! [tetep aja complain juga!] ...

btw kmaren when i was on the phone with ficky [WAH tiba2 suara dari speaker jadi keras lagi!! senang lagi!!!] iya trus yah ... wktu lagi telp2an ama ficky tadi pagi, tiba2 i heard this breathing sound from a near distance, i woke and look around, tried to take a good hearing ... i thought it was my aunt's voice or mom's, but there's just no one's there. then as i recall, my comp was already under a sleep mode, but when i looked at the monitor, it was in a stand by mode. who had possibly move my comp in a way? i hate the feeling at the room and started to have the urgency to 'clean' up the house. i hate being annoyed like that..

anyway .. until now, i'm still confuse in finding a bawahan buat kebaya hari sabtu nanti. katanya ficky pake jeans aja bawahnya, tapi kok agak kurang formal yah? mo pake kain ribet mampus .. mo pake celana bahannya marisa .. kapan juga bisa ketemu hari ini yah? mo pake rok, gak ada.. gila deh, gw tuh cewek macam apaan yah yang gak punya barang2 basic buat pergi kawinan??!!!

[kriuk kriuk growlll ... perut saya kelaparan berat!!!]

ARRGHHHHHHH.............!!!!!!!!!!!

darn it!! now i cant stop writing!! my head's just full of so many things and sentences keeps on coming out and refuse to be unwritten down. so i'm writing now, merely to shut those voices of my own mind! SHUT UP MAN!!!

*pffftttt

sebenernya sih gw gak abis pikir aja soal ardi tadi siang. sebenernya lagi, tadi udah sempet gak mikirin apa2 soal itu, tapi abis tidur2an ayam [yang rasanya nikmat berat itu!] .. malah jadi kepikiran lagi, apalagi gara2 sebelom tidur ayam abis menyelesaikan bacaan TUESDAY WITH MORRIE gw!! darn it man! that book is a real mind twister!! it talks too much for me to finally can catch up with the way Morrie thinks about life, love, relationships, money, death, family, marriage ... you name it! dan it looks like, perasaan gw jadi kebawa.

so now, i can say that there's like a soundtrack of the day...
1. carole king - up on the roof >> how i need that someone on my 'roof'. where the air is still fresh and sweet...
2. van morrison - have i told you lately >> well, not only the 'L' word, but so many words that leads to it...
3. Lamb - Gabriel >> everyone's an angel when they know how.
4. Dave Matthews Band - Satelite >> speaks by itself
5. The Carpenters - Close to You >> 'why do birds suddenly appeared??' yeah .. why??!!
6. Carole King - Anyone at All >> phew ...
7. Dave Matthews Band - Crash into Me >> sweet closing list.

[somehow finds a tear on my cheek ... by surprise]

i'll end this posting. those voices has finally gone, maybe it's because those heart bothering sentences has been written down nicely.

i guess they can tell!!

hmm ok, i know ... [apanya yang i know??!!! ... gak jelas juga!] eh iya, jadi ya gitu, emang udah official tapi in a way masih belom bisa diberitahukan ke khalayak ramai. why? beats me!! gw juga ampe sekarang belom tau kenapa! the first person that i notify was marisa. for me, she's the perfect person to start with. can't think of an idea or way to tell jedi about this.

ficky told me not to let too many people know about it first, maybe strictly for the girls only.


i wrote those words up there yesterday, about 5 in the afternoon. so i'm sure when jedi read the previous post, he didnt know that there was an immediate post afterwards. i'm so sorry that he had to know about the news from my blog and not hear it coming from my own mouth.

it's pretty sad to know that he's feeling ok with what happened. he congratulated me through sms, and i cant share how my feelings were at that moment. a hard mix of confuse, shock, sad, happy, relief, entrapment, and loneliness all at the same time. suddenly all of those happiness knowing that finally once again, your life is on track ... just disappeared.

the telephone conversation was sweet, pretty brief, and very supportive. i cant be the way he was this afternoon. some might say that it's a trashy thing, but deep down inside ... for me, it was sincere. at least i'd like to take it .. and believe it, and would like to leave it that way. cant tell how much i feel grateful for not choosing him by any mistake in the past. guess after all, he actually worth all those freakin' stressfull times. it makes me stronger, and i guess it makes me softer as well.

FINALLY!!! I nOw HaVe MySeLf A bOyFrIeNd!!!!!
well, it's kinda officialy this morning at 2am! right in front of my house.. i dont know what my feelings are right now!!! but still, there's this untold story for him to tell ... :(

hmm finally ... i can write while i'm in Prodak ... feels good. today, the store has absolutely no customers!!! it's lebaran's second day, it is kinda strange if they insist to keep it open! here's the result!! empty!!! but hey, i'm having fun spending my own quality time with myself for hours. i cant really say that i've been doing nothing, in fact, i do lots of things. i chat with umer leo and yumma, i spend time looking at my photos at yahoo, browsing for long lost friends at friendster, reading magazines, drinking lots of mineral water, playing with my cell .... hmmmmmmm darn it!!! i'm doing useless things!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am so happy to know that someone out there actually read my blog, and kind enough to email me, and let me know what he/she thinks about it. who ever you are, thank you so much! :D

i'm so happy today, ficky called and while we're on the phone, we're just absolutely free to act as though nobody's there to judge our behaviour or our stupidity. i feel comfortable, finally ... after all of those times of feeling alone [why!! why can anybody [myself to be precise], let myself be such an idiotic moron!!] i log in to friendster and i got this silly -a couple of- questions on my bulletin board. then he said that he want to fill it in, so i typed it down with his answers. the answers ...well, it kinda surprise me and made me feel happy at the same time.

but in the other hand, there's still some people that occupy my mind at this moment. jedi, and pay. the later one is so kind, patient, and absolutely shy. the first one is on his phase of feeling that he might be alone along this time. but both of them really made me think again about me and my decisions.

[dramatic pause]

...

shhhiiizzzzz ... i need some rest!